IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
