so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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