What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
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listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
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God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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