ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
