I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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