we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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