I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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