I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
