Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
