Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
