I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
