He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
