I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
