just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
