Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
