Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
