Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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