are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
