Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
