mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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