I wish my penis had an off switch
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
