I just made out with a guy for $7.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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