my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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