Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
