It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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