what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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