My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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