i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
