I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
