I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
