All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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