She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
