Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
