my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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