Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My ass is underappreciated
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
