my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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