Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
