I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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