I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
