I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
