i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
