i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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