I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
