No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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