Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
