nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
