I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize