3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
