Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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