You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
