this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
