you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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