Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
