i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
