By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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