this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
