i love accidental penises.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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