New low: just hacked my moms facebook
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Randomize
