I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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