my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize