You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
