Where is the hickey?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
we're so committed to being not committed
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
