remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
