You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
