Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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