so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
