and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
