the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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