Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
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