he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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