Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
