by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
