My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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