My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He uses pillows to masturbate.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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