There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
