If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm too high and old for this...
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