Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
