You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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