Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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