she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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