You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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