Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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