I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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