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I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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