he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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