she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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